Romper Room
by Phoenix13
Summary: MOVIEVERSE 07 - Elita One leaves her two sparklings in the care of Optimus Prime, while she has some rare alone time with friends. Optimus thinks he'll do a fine job, he does run an army after all. Fluff alert! Companion fic to 'Scent of the Future'.
1. Chapter 1

**Romper Room**

Authors Note: This is a little something I've whipped up quickly for _**optimus prime**_ _**007**_. She needed cheering up quick. The slowing down of updates on FFN, family issues and other things have gotten her down, so here's some Sabre and Safire goodness. It's set in my version of the Movie 2007 universe, and it's a little additional 'extra' to my fic 'Scent of the Future'. It's set two months after Safire has been sparked. Optimus Prime and Elita One have two sparklings - Sabre (a mech, sparked first) and Safire (a femme, sparked second). Both still very young and learning about life.

Hope you enjoy this sweetie! There's another chapter to come.

**Chapter One**

The stage was set. The guns were cocked. Security had been briefed. Gates locked. Anything explosive had been shipped off to a far away country.

All that was left was the final goodbye.

"You guys be good, okay? Be nice to poor Optimus. He's new at this. You have to look after him too, you hear?" Elita One kneeled down on the floor next to her and Optimus Prime's massive recharge berth, putting herself at the same head height as her offspring.

Optimus himself; in all his over-muscled, red and blue mech glory; was standing behind Elita with his hands behind his back. He arched an optic ridge in query. "Uh, wait, 'poor Optimus'? Where did that come from? Femme, I assure you, my organisational skills are more than satisfactory for the purpose of looking after our two sparklings."

Elita's head turned to peer at her massive mate. Her expression was very disbelieving and pouty. "Uh huh. Right."

"Femme..." Optimus chuckled, waving one hand dismissively, "our botlings will be in the best hands of the whole base."

Sitting on their aft's on the berth, hands obediently tucked in their laps, the small faces of Sabre and Safire looked up at him. Sabre giggled. Safire looked thoughtful as she chewed on one tiny finger. The big bot was going to look after them? By himself? Was he sure he knew how? She thought the nice smaller bot; her Mom; was pretty good. Sweet, cheerful and competent. The big bot was good for hugs, but he didn't do much else that was too strenuous, all of the _hard_ work was done by the female. Cleaning, feeding, loving, teaching. All that.

"Energon portions are in the cupboard, make sure not to mix Safire's too strong or she brings it up and dribbles it down her chest, and don't give Sabre more than two servings at one time or he gets silly. Play time comes only after recharge time, they cannot play if they are getting cranky and naughty, they need to have time out, and don't forget to call Ratch if you think either of them show signs of getting a system upset, better to catch it before it becomes a full blown drama." Elita ticked off her fingers as she spoke. "Please call Ironhide for help if you need it, he's the most experienced, even if he does grumble."

The femme's instructions and commands were faithfully taken into Optimus Prime's processor. Feeding, check. Play time only after nap time, check. Call Ironhide-the-Aft if Sabre's head falls off, no, wait, better call Ratchet for that, Ironhide would stick the head back on with glue and triumphantly pronounce it 'all better now'. Dump sparklings on Ironhide if they get completely out of control and run for your life while telling Elita you had a world-wide sized emergency to attend to, check.

"Right then," Elita patted each of her baby bots in turn, and planted a loving kiss on each head. She stood up. "I better be going. Chromia is waiting outside. Have a nice time guys." She pulled Optimus down to bend him over to her level and smooched him on the mouthplates, "Bye sweetie, call me if things get too rough. Thanks for this."

"Bye Elita..."

Optimus turned to watch her scamper out the door in a flash of shiny red armor (was that a hefty portion of glee her saw in her bouncing steps?) and turned back to his expectant sparklings.

Safire and Sabre both sat there. Staring at him. Awaiting his next move.

"Uh. Ahem. Right then. Er..."

Safire cocked her head at him. Sabre had a blank expression – then he let loose with a loud muffler fluff. He shrieked and laughed, rolling all over the berth in a tangle of clunky arms and legs.

Optimus looked aggrieved, the gears on his helmet whirled and clicked, his posture stiffening, "Sabby.. that's not nice. Apologise to Safire, I know you aimed that in her direction. You're not supposed to do that around femmes. Well, at least femmes who are NOT your mate. Heh."

Getting up on all fours, Sabre shoved his face into the soft material lining the berth and wriggled his aft in the air menacingly.

Optimus sighed, rubbing at his optics, "Sabre, NO. No more."

Safire automatically closed over her mobile noseplate coverings, following it up with both hands over her face, sweet little optics shining at him over her fingers. She was not impressed. Sabre was older but he wasn't _better_. Numb nut.

Elita had struggled at first in the early stages of their relationship to reconcile her image of Optimus as the 'almighty, all-powerful, God-like Autobot leader' with a mech who occasionally let one off in private and even smirked happily about it. Now she accepted it as normal mech behaviour. God or otherwise.

"You," Optimus reached down and grabbed hold of Sabre's middle with both hands, lifting him up, "are a terror. Don't tell Elita but I think you'll make an excellent mech-wrecker."

Sabre squirmed in his Sire's grip and squeaked. Then fluffed again. Right under Optimus Prime's armpit.

"Oh, good Primus," Optimus expressed his disgust with pinched faceplates, "I wish I knew how to make you behave. Elita does such a good job of it, why can't I?"

The tall brave Commander didn't dare take his young charges to the rec room. The others knew he was in charge of the little terrors, and since Optimus knew he had next to _zip_ control of their behaviour without Elita around, it would be humiliating to try and tackle them in public. Ironhide was the best one to handle this, Bumblebee was good too, Jazz thought he was MADE to be with sparklings, and probably even Prowl could make Sabby and Safire behave with one narrow stare.

But him? Psssht. He couldn't growl at, discipline, or control his sparklings. His CPU refused to help him that way, and his leadership skills were off drinking high-grade somewhere and probably doing a few muffler fluffs of their own.

Still sitting on the recharge berth, Safire removed her hands from her face and sent a rapid flurry of angry clicks and squeals to her brother. She wasn't happy with the smells.

"You are so right, Safire," Prime said seriously, clicking his optic sweepers across his blue orbs. He turned Sabre upside down so he could inspect his aft. Sabre shrieked and laughed. "There has to be something we can shove in there to stop the stench."

In his defence, Sabre took careful note of his position dangling in front his Sire's hips, and let out a chirrup of wonder. That looked interesting. He reached out with both hands, getting his fingers into the spaces on either side of the armor right between Optimus' long legs.

Optimus Prime yelped and jerked his hips backwards, "SABRE! Get your hands out of there! Only femmes go in there!"

He hauled the mechling up so they were face-to-face. Sabre pouted at him. Why are you ruining my fun?

"Young bot, there are some places on other mech's that you DO NOT put your hands on, understand?"

Sabre raspberried him.

While Sabre was riling up his Dad, Safire was getting bored. Watching the big bot and little bot mess around wasn't that interesting. Her gaze landed on the big fluffy thing that her Mom sometimes gave to her when she recharged. It was sitting in the corner of the room next to Sabre's recharge berth. She wanted that! Carefully, she turned herself around and edged over to the end of the berth. Her legs dangled over it precariously and she peeked over her shoulder. Whoops, maybe it was too far down for her to jump? Too late now, she was losing her grip...

"Safire! Wait!"

Seeing Safire's precarious situation, Optimus put both of Sabre's ankles into one of his large hands and thrust out his other hand to grab at Safire before she fell. "Don't do that! You'll fall!"

Prime's large hand totally dwarfed Safire's teeny aft. He gave a shove with his palm (which he thought was gentle) and ended up pushing the surprised little femme at least two of her own body lengths along the berth, on her front. Her hand got caught between her body and the berth, twisting her hand and wrist sharply the wrong way. Ouch. Cringing, Optimus instantly uprighted Sabre and plopped him on the floor on his feet.

"Whoops, oh no, I didn't mean to-"

"WHAAAAAHHH!"

"...oh Primus..."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Big hands slipped gently around the curled up ball on the berth. He lifted the wailing femling up and held her to his chest, fitting her between the ridges of his split windscreen and trying to shoosh her cries. His spark twisted and fluttered painfully in his chest at her distress.

Safire's optics were closed, her face screwed up. Why had the big bot shoved her around like that?! Now her hand hurt!

Optimus hunched over his upset daughter. His big chest shuddered. "It's okay, it's okay, I wasn't being mean, I'm just, too strong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Sabre walked over to him and placed his hand on his Sire's knee, patting it. He squeaked an inquiry up at Safire. The femme quieted, drew her hand up to her face, and rubbed at it. She coughed and peaked down at Sabby with sad optics.

"See? Sabre says it's all okay. You're fine, you'll be alright," Optimus' hand stroked up and down her curled back while the other supported her to his chest.

The huge mech cursed himself. Why hadn't he thought quicker that his 'help' should have been of a much smaller size? He had to learn all over again how to handle his strength and movements around little beings. Safire was even smaller than Sabre, and he'd thought Sabby was a tiny bucket of circuits!

"Can I see your hand, little one? Can I look at it? Is it injured?" His optics glowed softly at Safire. _Slag it, if she's hurt, I'll get Ironhide to shoot me in the head a few times..._

Safire looked up at him from under her optic ridges. Slowly, she lifted her arm and uncurled her fingers for his examination. His head lowered, getting a closer look.

"Hmmm. Seems okay, but perhaps we should get Ratchet to scan it, in case-"

Optimus was interrupted by an angry thump to his foot. Sabre had kicked him. He looked down. The mechling hissed and stalked off to the other side of the room.

"Sabby! No kicking! I've told you before about violence! And Ratchet would be seeing Safire, not you!"

"BEE! N-n-no!"

The Autobot Leader blinked in surprise, mouthplates frozen open. Had Sabre just said 'no'? That was his third word! First 'Bee', then 'Lita' and now -

"NO!"

Oh yeah, there it was. Sabre now knew how to use the 'N' word. His shoulders sagged. Elita had been gone for no more than a few Earth minutes and so far he had injured Safire and made her cry, and caused Sabre to use the 'N' word. Elita was going to _lurvve_ him... he'd be lucky if he got any interface for the next century.

A small hand touched his cheekplate. A giggle. He looked at Safire. She had put her hurt finger in her mouth and was smiling at him with amusement. His spark swelled.

"You are so gorgeous, do you know that?" he said gently, returning her smile with a grin of his own. Females had always been beautiful in his optics, and this tiny femme sparkling brought to life by him and Elita – absolute perfection. He shifted her in his arms, bringing her up higher. She was now sitting on the cable hydraulics for his bicep. "You could rule the universe with that smile. Yes, you could. Anything you want – yours. Instantly."

Safire tipped her head to the side. Studying him. His face was so big. Mom's was narrower. More tidy. Not so many moving bits. But this one looked strong. And the blue light from his optics was so kind. She giggled, reaching out a hand shyly and rubbing the end of the plates in the middle of his face; big nose though!

"Yes, I know, I've been told my nose sensor stands out a bit too much, it's too broad. I guess it's taken too many hits to be pretty..." Optimus told her quietly. "There are some very serious things about life that you will get to know when you are much older." His optics swept over some of the more ancient battle scars littering his huge chest and mighty arms - which cradled the young life happily touching him and not knowing what they meant. "Much older..."

Safire didn't respond to his sombre tone. Her optics lit up when the parts of his face moved as he talked to her. She went on touching and exploring his head. He kept himself still, allowing her to explore him. She seemed very interested in the engravings on the side of his helmet near his audios. He spun the circles for her. She shrieked and patted them, amused. He grimaced and hissed when her two hands grabbed at one of his antennae. That was one of his hot spots that usually only Elita ever touched.

"Hey, hey! That's enough little femme, no touching – argh – there!" His knees were going weak. Primus, his body was well-trained to respond to that when it wasn't even Elita doing it! And Safire's smaller fingers could get into more places. Oww, the wiring was sensitive there.

With a squeak and satisfied smirk, Safire sat back on his arm and blinked at him. All done!

"You are so cute," Optimus practically purred, rubbing a hand over Sabre's head. "do you need refuelling yet? Are you hungry?"

Safire's optics brightened. FUEL! Yes, yes! She lifted her arms up and clicked. Feed me!

"Okay, fuel it is..." His steps were firm and sure across the room to the makeshift bench where he and Elita kept the energon facilities. Sabre stopped doing handstands as his Sire brushed past (he had been trying to get Prime's attention by doing really difficult things, but it seemed nothing could take the big bot's attention away from his little femme) and fell over onto his back in a messy heap, scrambling up eagerly to rush and get his own portion of energon.

"Hmmm." Optimus swept his optics over the equipment, seeing the already prepared cups of fuel. _Thank you Elita, you are such a good organiser_. "One each, I think. Sabby, here's yours." A filled cup was handed down to the bouncing mechling.

Sabre took it into both hands with a squeak and promptly dropped himself down onto his aft, legs splayed in front of him. The sucking noises started instantly. His face was no longer visible, hidden as it was by the bulk of the cup shoved in front of his mouth.

"Hungry mech, eh?" Optimus smiled, looking down.

It always fascinated him that such small amounts of energon kept the little bots going. Compared to his own intake of energon, what they used was laughable. A _cup_ of energon (and low grade, at that) wouldn't be enough to fuel him for more than an Earth hour. Jazz might be able to get away with it (and often had back home, when his duties kept him racing around on permanent hyperactive turbo, and snatching random cups of fuel in a whirlwind of busy-ness was all he allowed himself), but not him.

Safire patted his shoulder politely with one small hand. Disappointed optics stared up at him. Where's mine?

"Sorry Saffy, here's – oh! I think we just found your nickname. Saffy! Do you like it?"

The femme held her hands up beseechingly. Food?

Optimus chuckled, "Okay, okay, here it is. Not too fast now."

He held the cup to her mouthplates and tilted it up. He was surprised by the sudden ferocious suction she produced, the cup was jerked forwards in his hand and only his steady grip stopped it from smashing her in the face. Her pulling action was extraordinarily strong. Now he was worried. Had he let her go too long without fuel? Had she been hungry before and he hadn't noticed? It was his duty to know such things! He scolded himself. Slag head. Bolt brain. Dumb aft.

:bang, rattle, scrape, bang:

"Hey! Sabre! That's not nice!"

The boy bot had a smirk of immense proportions on his faceplates and was using his Sire's leg like an instrument, dragging and hitting his empty cup on Optimus Prime's armor.

"Do you do that to Elita?! I've never really noticed, I'm sure you don't, she'd go ballistic if you did that, there'd be bits of you all over the room. So why do it to me?! Am I not more scary looking than her?"

Sabre clicked, "Bee, Bee!" and held his arms out wide. But you're a big bot, you can take it!

His attention now taken away from his daughter, Optimus' grip on her cup slackened – and the cup was sucked right out of his hand. Safire was not prepared to have him let go, and the cup rebounded against her face with a clang. Horrified at what had happened, Optimus grabbed the cup before it fell to the ground, his scared optics locked on Safire's face.

The femme was stunned for all of a second. Optics blinking.

"Oh no – Safire! I'm sorry! It was Sabre, he was-"

"WHAAAAAAAH!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I wasn't-"

"WHAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"-watching what I was doing, oh no," he tossed the cup onto the bench and hugged her tightly to his chest with both encompassing arms. It was the only comfort he could think of. And didn't all femmes like his chest anyway?

Sabre put his hands over his audios and frowned distastefully. Primus, femmes screamed a lot... bring on nap time.

**NEXT:** Naptime, playtime and confessing-everything-to-Elita time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Romper Room**

Authors Note: Thank you for the reviews and kind comments! And yes, I am still working on my other fics. I have bits and pieces of new chapters spread around all over the place. New stuff coming soon! And yes _Plenoptic_ and _optimus prime 007_, 'Femme for Hire' as well. LOL Warnings for some rude words in this chappie. Spoken by Ironhide, of course. Blame him!

**Chapter Two**

Optimus Prime sat and watched his two sparklings recharge. He pulled his foot from resting upon his knee, bent up the other leg, and placed the opposite foot upon it. Ah, free time. No demanding or crying sparklings. No yelling. No disobedient or bad-mannered troops. It was nice. Quiet was something he cherished just as much as Sam looked forward to his freshly delivered Saturday night pizza (when the delivery driver got around Bumblebee's disapproving optics).

He had been surprised by how easily Sabre had settled into his recharge nap. Just two words with his full towering authority behind them at the first sign of indignant hesitation– "Recharge. Now."- and the mechling had dumped himself upon the semi-luxurious berth owned by him and Elita (it was the wrong berth, Sabre's was across the room, but Optimus wasn't going to argue the point) and drifted off into his down time. Simple.

Safire, on the other hand...

Optimus shook his head with a deep grunt. Those little blue optics, brimming with sadness and disappointment, staring up at him with the most spark-wrenching expression of 'Please don't make me'. Small hands clutching the teddy bear while her mouthplates trembled. Yep. He'd almost been fooled. Megatron had never tried that one, and he was damn lucky he hadn't.

When the 'sad' look didn't work, screeching and throwing the bear had become the order of the day. Holding the tiny femme at arm's length while she kicked, hissed and wriggled wasn't fun. Soothing words hadn't helped. Cuddles were spat at. His fingers were chomped. Being nice and trying to reason with her was a long shot, but no go either.

He'd settled for sitting down and holding her on his lap, putting up with the yelling and screeching until her own tiredness overcame her systems, and her frame sagged down with her frantic clicks and angry squeals dropping in volume to mere static-filled burps. His hand stroking her back in quiet sweeps sent her further into recharge until he had been able to deliver her without fuss to her bunk, dusting off her teddy bear and placing it beside her.

"You were so right, Ironhide," Optimus muttered softly, clicking his optic sweepers thoughtfully.

Ironhide had warned him. Jabbed a finger at him over his high-grade and made his point that Sabre was easy enough to handle because he was a mech, but a femme; on the other hand; a femme just like a teeny-sized Elita. Mmm. Ironhide had sat back in his chair, looking wise. Not so easy. Rather dangerous, in fact. Optimus had shrugged. Elita wasn't _that_ bad when she was irritable. And didn't femmes only learn how to chuck big tantrums when they were mature?

Optimus hitched himself up higher in his chair with his hands on the armrests and peeked into Safire's recharge bunk. Still quiet. A lumpy under-sized ball of femininity among her thermal blankets. His optics softened, studying his femling. He was so full of love for her he often wondered how his jumbo-sized chest contained it. She had her hands balled up into fists and propped underneath her face. Just like her Mom. Elita often recharged like that. More so when something was upsetting her, pressing her face into the backs of her fingers. He preferred those hands settled around his waist. It seemed to relax her. Not to mention him... and then she'd -

"Lita!"

"Huh?" Prime's head swivelled in Sabre's direction. The mechling was sitting up and waving at him. "Oh, hello Sabby." He lowered his voice. "Are you all finished? Safire is still recharging, we must be quiet, okay? Shhh."

Sabre nodded seriously, "...Bee," and clambered down from the berth. Optimus watched him as he reached the floor. His son's head looked around; up and down; checking things out since he was last awake. It both saddened and intrigued the big mech that it was something a warrior would do; checking the surrounding area for changes.

The botling crossed the floor with short quick strides and climbed up Prime's leg, ignoring the offer of a helping hand. Sitting proudly on his lap with his back to his chest and legs thrust out in front over Optimus' thighs, his optics looked over at Safire's now quiet box. Noisy femme! All that yelling to avoid recharge. And what was wrong with it anyway? Recharge gave you more energy! Pfft. He patted one hand on his Sire's arm to get his attention, looking up at him.

Optimus looked down.

Sabre waved his arms madly but silently, screwing up his face, acting like Safire. Prime smothered his laughter with one large hand, his chest jerking with the effort. Yep, he thought Safire was silly too. Poor little femme. This was all so new for her.

"Now, now, Sabby, she's still very young. There are so many things for her to do and learn, of course she doesn't want to recharge. It isn't easy for her when everything is so fascinating."

Sabre pouted. Yeah. Right.

A very small and subdued click caught their attention. Little mech and big mech looked across at Safire's box. Safire was standing up on her berth, her optics peeking at them over the top of her box between her grabby hands. She didn't look wild any more. Just... guilty.

Once again, Optimus Prime was treated to an exact replica of what Elita looked like after a mega femme hissy fit. The 'I'm-so-sorry-I-did-that-but-don't-you-love-me-anyway?' look. He smiled encouragingly at her.

"Hello Safire, are you feeling better now?"

The optics blinked at him. A slow nod of her head accompanied a sweet click. When she straightened up and held her arms out to him adoringly; desperate for a hug; he knew instantly everything was forgiven.

"Okay, okay," Optimus chuckled, putting Sabre down on the chair next to him, "hug time."

Safire was the only other femme besides his bonded partner that he would pick up and cuddle. He scooped her up with gentle hands, one under each girly armpit. She squeaked and cuddled up to his chest with wide optics and an extra cooing sound (JUST like Elita).

"Opmus!"

"Huh?" Prime looked up. Then froze, realising where his name had come from. Was that...? Nah. Couldn't be. "Sabre?!"

"Opmus!! Lita! Bee!"

"SABBY!" The huge mech's jaw hung down. "You said my name! MY name! Thank Primus, at last!"

Sitting where Optimus had placed him, Sabre sat up proudly. He'd been thinking over his Sire's name for a while, struggling to get his processor to articulate the three-syllable name, something much harder than the shorter 'Bee', or 'Lita'. Finally, his CPU had chucked out the 'ti' bit of Prime's name as too complicated, and came up with 'Opmus'.

"Opmus, Opmus, Opmus!" Sabre squeaked excitedly over and over again, flapping his hands. He'd got it! He held his hands up in fists triumphantly. He was THE mech!

"It's actually 'Op-_ti-_mus', Sabre, but we know how hard it is to say, I mean, Primus, it took Ironhide half a millennia to learn it too, he just kept saying 'him' or 'Op', and he's a much bigger mech than you," Ratchet drawled, leaning on the doorframe. "Well done!"

The big Leader mech himself was too busy grinning and trying to keep upright from the haze of happy dizziness overwhelming him to discipline Ratchet for opening the door to his quarters without knocking.

"Shut it, Rat-shit." Ironhide's distinctive growl of menace only caused Ratchet to roll his optics and sigh. The black mech shouldered his way past the medic and stomped inside the room. "Prime, I've got some news."

The CMO looked at the Weapons Specialist with disdain, "Ironhide, you should not use military hacking programs to find out what the local profanity words are."

"You've already done it too, or else you wouldn't have know what 'shit' was, Hat-shit."

Safire had been smiling at Ratchet – one of her most favourite bots – until Ironhide appeared. Then she whimpered and tried to hide herself behind the windscreen and protruding armor of her Sire's chest. The scary one!

Prime shielded her protectively with both hands and narrowed his optics at Ironhide. The spinners and hydraulics on his helmet whirred angrily.

"Ratchet, can you please hold Safire for a moment?" Optimus asked, glaring at Ironhide.

"Of course."

With a huddled Safire safely in Ratchet's arms, a glowering Optimus Prime crossed the room in three big strides, latched one hand onto the armor on the back of Ironhide's neck, and began dragging the startled mech out the door. Ironhide's legs scrambled to keep himself upright. He was too far up off the floor to keep his feet flat. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been grabbed like this and he was too surprised to react – he was no sparkling!!

"Do NOT utter rude words in the presence of my Safire, or any other femme. EVER. OUT - and stay out!"

"But...! WAIT! I need to – shit isn't bad, it's natural for organics! And Lennox wants – we have to – Prime! - OWWW!"

With one foot on Ironhide's aft for extra leverage, Optimus shoved him out the door and closed it with a grunt of satisfaction. Sabre giggled and clapped. He wanted to be exactly like his Dad when he got his final upgrade! That looked like fun.

Safire sighed with relief once Ironhide had been disposed of. She sat up on Ratchet's arm and steadied herself with one hand propped on his chest, the fingers of her other hand between her mouthplates.

"Nasty bot is gone now. We'll get Prowl to lock him in the brig for a night, that'll fix his caboose, yes?" Ratchet soothed her with a smirk.

Optimus rolled his shoulder components, muttering, and stalked back inside the room.

Ratchet was happy that Ironhide had been turfed out on his aft – by the Boss, no less! There was not a thing the black hard aft could do to stop it – but he felt awkward holding Prime's sparkling. The femling was very cuddly. It made him nervous. The medic was even more embarrassed when the tiny femme sighed and rested her head on his chest with a happy chirp and purrs came from her. "Uh... Optimus... can you..?"

Prime stood in front of them, grinning. "She's a sweet little thing, is she not? Except when she does not wish to recharge, by Primus, Ratchet, I've never seen such a performance!"

"Yes, of course, but;"

"I mean, Elita can be cranky but that was something else. I didn't dare call for help, and I am only telling you in-confidence. I'm so glad I passed _that_ test."

Ratchet shuffled Safire around in his arms, turning her to face her Sire. "Do you think you could-"

"This is actual _life_, Ratchet. No guns, no strategy, no masses of troops to organise, just me and her, oh, and Sabby. It's kind of fun, I must admit. Keeps me alert, but in a good non-stressful way."

Exasperated at not being able to get a word in, Ratchet snapped smartly, "Arm's out, soldier!"

Optimus automatically thrust his strong arms out without thinking about it.

"Oh, thank Primus..." A relived Ratchet carefully dumped his precious femme load in the arms of her Sire. "All yours. I just came by to see how you were coping, and you appear to be doing very well, so I'll leave you to it."

The CMO turned and scuttled for the door, opening it and disappearing quickly to safety. He didn't see Ironhide in the hallway. The slagger had probably gone to whinge to Chromia about his treatment, hoping she would track Optimus down and smack him in the head. Not likely. The warrior femme would be laughing her aft off by now...

Safire blinked her optics at the closing door. Why was he leaving so soon? She only got one cuddle! She clasped her hands together and looked up at the big bot. Would he come back?

Optimus shook his head at her and straightened up, moving Safire into a more comfortable position, "It appears that while Ratchet is a brilliant medic and possesses a loving and caring spark, he does not feel comfortable around sparklings." His bright optics looked into Safire's smaller ones, "But you'll bring him round, won't you?"

Safire couldn't entirely comprehend what Optimus was saying, so she played with her fingers instead. She was the only being in the universe who wasn't that interested in paying total attention to the Great Autobot Leader when he was speaking. As long as he held her, she was happy. He could warble about whatever made him feel good.

"Opmus!"

"Yes Sabby?"

The mechling had grown tired of messing around with the grown-ups, and had dragged out his large box of 'fun things' from the corner of the room. He started to tip it up on its side.

"NO! Sabre! Don't do-"

:CRASH: :tinkle, tinkle:

"-that." Prime sighed, wincing. "What a mess."

Balls, toys, old non-functional things from Wheeljack and other assorted items made a sprawled pile in the middle of the room. Safire chirped at all the sparkly interesting things on the floor. She wanted to play too! She started to wriggle, optics locked on the enticing pile on the floor.

"Well, why not," Optimus shrugged and carefully placed Safire on the floor next to where Sabre was rooting through all of his 'stuff'. The small femme got herself free from his gentle hands and sat up on her aft. "Elita did say it was to be play time after recharge time. And maybe I can get some work done while you two are occupied, hmm?"

He walked over to a small desk on the other side of the room and sat down, keeping his optics on his two progeny. Perhaps they could amuse each other without his help for the moment? He'd join in later.

Safire seemed content to play with whatever thing Sabre handed to her. She'd turn it over in her hands, hold it right up to her optics for scrutiny, shake it, bang it against the ground, try to eat it, then hand it back to her brother in exchange for something else.

While all this was going on, Optimus activated his private terminal and attempted to get through some over-due updates for Keller. It seemed the Earth Governments were just as demanding as the old Cybertronian governments had been back home - wanting new information, old information, discussions, regulation making, and anything else they thought of that sounded good. Hence he was very much relieved when Elita called his comlink to ask how the 'sparkling-sitting' was going.

"_How's my main mech going_?" Elita's voice reverberated over Prime's internal comlink.

"Me? I'm fine, thank you for asking." Optimus replied brightly. "I thought you wanted to know about our sparklings?"

"_You know, I'd rather that_ _SABRE_," the Femme Commander said tartly, "_told me for himself if he was okay or not. And how's Safire? Okay?" _

Safire was currently chewing thoughtfully on what looked like someone's old wheel brake pad - cleaned, of course. Nothing dirty was donated to the toy box.

Optimus chuckled, making Sabre look curiously up at him. Unfortunately, his concentration didn't extend to knowing where his hand was swinging while he handed over yet another new toy to Safire. He smacked her right in the face with an old empty can of energon.

"WAAAAAHHHH!"

"_Primus! Is that Safire?! What's wrong with her_!" Elita could hear through Optimus' link the sound of her much-loved femling screaming. "_Optimus_!"

Sabre cringed, dropping the energon can and ducking his head. Oops! "Lita! Opmus!" He tried reaching out and hugging her to say sorry – after all, he hadn't meant to hit her – but Safire saw his arms coming and thought he was trying to hit her again. Being Elita One's daughter, she retaliated. She struck out at him.

Sabre wailed in the aftermath of Safire slamming one of her hands harshly into his cheek and cradled his face. That hurt! Why had she done that?!

Now there were two sparklings having a fit.

"_Holy Primus – OPTIMUS! What is going on?_!" Elita screeched desperately.

Optimus had risen from his desk and was standing over his two crying sparklings. Safire raised her hand to smack Sabre again, but Sabby saw it coming out of the corner of his optic and did the only thing he could think of – he tackled her.

"Sabre! No! Stop it! Safire, no! Stop hitting each other! SABRE! Safire, don't do that! Oh slag..."

A distraught Optimus Prime stood with spread legs and a horrified expression over the two duelling sparklings. They were rolling back and forth, crying and hissing, having a right royal go at each other. Each was intent on 'paying back' the transgression they each thought the other had started. Prime was scared to reach in and separate them, his hands were too big, and his strength might just rip one of their limbs off. If anyone had ever wondered if the sparklings of the two best warriors on Cybertron; Optimus Prime and Elita One; would inherit the talent of their progenitors, there was no longer any need to wonder.

They were good.

Safire slapped, poked and shrieked to the best of her ability. Sabre growled, smacked and pushed her around with equal intent. It was war.

Shocked, Elita One listened in. There was only one thing left to do.

"_**I'M COMING HOME**_!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Romper Room**

Authors Note: This is for _**optimus prime 007**_, who has had a really tough time of it lately with family issues (I'm thinking of ya girl), _**Plenoptic**_, who incurred a FFN violation (I'd personally like to violate FFN right back!) for something totally silly and undeserving, and to _**Bunnylass**_ and _**Litahatchee**_ – for being the worlds most brilliant reviewers. You don't get enough love, guys! I loves youse all!

**Chapter 3**

Optimus Prime stood over his two duelling sparklings. He didn't know which one was louder – Sabre or Safire. He tried again to find some way of inserting his huge hands between the spatting botlings, but although he could stop them rolling around so much, each time he fitted one hand between their bodies, either Sabby or Saffy would free themselves, dart around him and continue the 'you-hit-me-first!' argument.

"SABRE! Don't do that to your _sister_! SAFIRE! That's not a nice thing to do! You're a femme! Femmes don't do nasty things like - Oh Primus..." Optimus raised his clenching fingers in front of himself in despair when he realised they were ignoring him, "How do I get into these messes?"

Frustrated, he hovered anxiously over the tiny wrestling bots, feeling helpless, calling for them to stop, halt, and desist without response.

The door behind him swished open.

"Right you two, cut it out."

Ironhide's familiar growl was blessed relief to the huge tormented Autobot Commander. Help at last!

Without worrying about hurting the two bots like Optimus was, Ironhide grabbed each end of the rolling hissing ball Sabre and Safire had created of themselves, and pulled the sparklings apart. Safire shrieked. Sabre yelled. Each bot was dumped separately on each side of Optimus without harm.

Sabre got to his feet and waved his arms over his head angrily, clicking and squealing. Safire sat on her aft with an angry pout, saying nothing. When Sabre went to run around his Sire, Optimus swiftly cocked his lengthy leg and placed it in his way.

"NO, Sabre! Stop it! SIT DOWN!"

While Prime's tone for the first few words was non-military, the 'sit down' part definitely was. Even fully developed bots cringed when they heard _that_ particular pitch.

Ironhide nodded with satisfaction when Sabre hesitated, growled, then stepped backwards and sat down with a graceless thump. "Now ya got it."

Optimus' proud upright stance sagged with relief. "Thank you, Ironhide."

The black mech shrugged, "Yeah, whatever. What started all this anyway? I could hear the ruckus all the way down the hall."

"I don't know... one slapped the other, the other one punched back, and it took off from there." Prime's optic ridges furrowed, "Whenever one scores a hit the other has to retaliate."

Ironhide crossed his arms, "Hn. These things often start like that. You can't reason with sparklings when they carry on like that. I remember Bumblebee..."

Safire ignored the big bots. She was desperate to get in one last indignity to her brother. Looking around, she noticed the toy pile Sabre had been playing with. Oh goody...

Optimus Prime tilted his head down to watch his two subdued offspring while Ironhide began telling some story about what Bumblebee had been like when he misbehaved. He noticed Safire reaching next to her and rummaging around in the toybox. When she retrieved a building block, it still didn't register to him what the tiny femme might do with it. Afterwards he realised he should have known better... should've predicted the actions of his 'Mini-Elita' sparkling.

With extraordinary aim for one so young, Safire jerked her arm back and threw the block straight at Sabre, bonking him on the forehead with it.

"OWWW! OPMUS!"

Safire smiled, rocking back and forth on her aft while holding her ankles as Sabre yelled more from shock than pain. Gotcha!

Ironhide snapped to attention, "SAFIRE, NO!"

Optimus Prime had his head in his hands, groaning, "Great Cybertron..."

While Optimus wasn't looking, Sabre ran over to Safire and tackled her onto her back. He stood over her hips and began raining slaps down onto her head. She retaliated by getting her foot up and ramming it up against his tummy, pushing him off. Sabre wasn't deterred, he got back to his feet, grabbed her foot that was still in the air, and began dragging her around fast in a small circle while Safire screeched in fury.

Prime's optics widened, "Not AGAIN!"

"You wanted TWO, you just had to have another one, didn't you?! Couldn't stop at ONE!" Ironhide yelled over the ruckus on the floor with his hands on his hips defiantly. "This wouldn't be happening if you'd stuck to ONE! Someone needs to lock you away from that femme of yours, you can't keep your hands to yourself!"

"SHUT IT!" Optimus retorted desperately, "Let's just get them to stop!"

Trouble was, the mech's were so big, they took up most of the available space in the room so that their positioning power was compromised. They had to be careful not to hit or smack each other while at the same time NOT stepping on the sparklings, and Sabre and Safire were very adept at avoiding being grabbed while still going after each other. Optimus was irritated by the fact that he couldn't even grab Safire when she couldn't do more than a fast crawl. She kept squirming and rushing away from his grasp, getting behind him and using the furniture as protection.

It was a pity none of the occupants of the room noticed when the door once again slid open to reveal an anxious and worried Elita One.

For a moment, she stayed where she was to take stock of the situation. Ironhide and Optimus whirled and made wild grabbing motions at the out-of-control sparklings down by their feet. The excited botlings ran, crawled, and ducked to get away from being caught. Her optics widened when Sabre busily dragged Safire past her (he'd once again gotten hold of her foot and was making full use of it).

"Oh my God... HANDS ON HEADS! NOW!"

Like lightning, Sabre dropped Safire's foot and smacked his hands on top of his head, frozen. Safire followed quickly, her small hands hovered over her head for a moment – Elita narrowed her optics dangerously – then settled them meekly down into position.

Chaos over.

Sabre giggled, peering behind Elita. The femme looked behind her. A surprised Bumblebee was standing with his own hands on HIS head.

"...not you, Bumblebee..." Elita groaned.

Bee shrugged and looked embarrassed, removing his hands. Oops. He hadn't lost his sparkling reflexes.

Ironhide chuckled but Optimus appeared flustered. His gaze moved from looking down at his feet to glancing up at his sparkmate. He was over two storeys tall of male humiliation, hauled to account in front of his femme.

"Elita, I can explain, you see-"

"Shut it," the Femme Commander said dangerously, "I think there's another bot in this room that needs to put their hands on their head too. And I'm looking at him!" Her optics stayed locked on his big red and blue frame. The Leader found it hard not to squirm. "How could you not do such a simple thing as look after our sparklings for the afternoon? It's not that hard, Optimus!"

"Opmus!"

Elita's face froze. "What?"

"Opmus! Lita! No!"

The femme stared down at her progeny in shock. "Sabre?! Did you just say-"

"Opmus! Opmus! Opmus!" Sabre clapped his hands in time with his new word.

"SABBY! You said Optimus' name! Aren't you a bright spark now!" Elita squealed, leaning down to pick up her bouncing mechling for a hug. "Say it again!"

"OPMUS!"

"Good mech!"

Bumblebee reached over Elita's shoulder and offered Sabre a congratulatory 'high-five' (Sam had made him practise). Sabre slapped Bee's hand and clapped himself too.

The subject of Sabre's excited chanting relaxed his hydraulics with relief. _Ah Sabby, what a brilliant tactical diversion! _Maybe Elita would forget to chastise him; although she might remember he needed punishment for the next few nights and refuse to indulge in any intimacy at all with him. Slag it. More nights of staring at the ceiling on his back, alone.

"Huh, another one for the 'All Praise And Worship The Head Lugnut' fan club..." Ironhide mused, looking pointedly at Optimus.

"I treat my fans very well, Ironhide," Optimus cocked an optic ridge in amusement. "That's why yours don't hang around. Not enough appreciation."

"Not enough what? You lose me with the big words, you know that?"

Safire stayed sitting on the floor, watching all of the commotion. Slowly, she lowered her hands from her head and placed them in her lap. Her Mom was giving all of her attention to Sabre. She looked to her right, staring up at her Sire. He wasn't taking any notice of her either. She didn't like this. If Sabre was getting a hug she wanted one too. Reaching out with one hand, she patted the long leg next to her.

Prime's regal head looked down at her. "Are you not getting enough attention, little one?"

Safire put on her best sad expression with wide down-turned optics and trembling mouthplates. She leaned her body on his ankle and pressed her head to his armor.

"Yeah, the cute act will get you anything, sweetie," Ironhide rumbled, watching as Optimus couldn't stop himself from bending down and scooping her up, despite telling himself that such bad behaviour as she had displayed earlier deserved punishing, not hugging. Safire beamed happily, warbling and patting Prime's face while he hitched her up against his chest.

Bumblebee left Elita's side and approached Optimus, looking at Safire cuddling up to his chest. He prodded his vocal modulator into action. "The humans have a word for females like her. 'She-Devil'. Evil one moment, an angel the next."

Ironhide scratched his chestplating lazily, "I've got one of those already."

Jazz's grinning head popped up in the small space between Prime and 'Hide, "I'm tellin' Mia you said that!"

"JAZZ! Slagger!"

The silver mech bounced on the tips of his feet, "I'm tellin' her you swore too!"

"She loves me BECAUSE I swear, aft-head!"

"GUYS! Enough! Out! We need some alone time. Come and see Optimus later." Elita had finished fawning over her precious little mech, and was alarmed at the way her Prime's personal quarters were being invaded by mechs. "AND DON'T SWEAR AROUND MY SPARKLINGS, IRONHIDE!"

Optimus shielded Safire's delicate audios with one hand around her head when Safire winced, "Not too loud, Lita!"

Once the assorted mechs' had left, Elita set Sabre on the ground and locked the door. Optimus watched her, keeping hold of Safire and patting her back reassuringly while Safire's optics started to shutter with tiredness. Perhaps now was the time to start the sweet talk?

"Did you have a nice day, Lita?"

She turned to face him. Her blue optics studied him. "It was... nice, yes. I think Chromia shocked Mikaela with some of her swearing. The Lake was lovely too." She crossed her arms, expression darkening. "I would have enjoyed it _more _if I hadn't been so alarmed by the absolute chaos I heard over my comlink when I called you!"

Optimus Prime winced, lowering his head to brush his mouthplates over Safire's small slumbering head. _Here it comes..._

"How could you allow them to become so out of control like that? I thought you would be the last mech that would ever allow such misbehaviour to happen! What happened to you that you couldn't discipline them?" Elita's optics searched his face imploringly. Sabre stood next to her, his face looking back and forth between the two of them.

Optimus thought about his answer while he cuddled Safire. He wasn't brilliant at psychology (despite his legendary battle tactics, he really didn't know any more about that sort of stuff than any other bot) but he had a theory.

"Elita, I apologise, I should not have let the situation get so out of control. I DID tell them to stop. They wouldn't listen."

The femme stayed silent, hands on her hips. "So what else did you try when they ignored you?"

"I thought about asking the others for help. Ironhide. Jazz." Prime dropped his gaze to look at the floor. "...I was too embarrassed to ask. I'm the Prime. Bots listen when I say 'stop' or 'no', they wouldn't dare disobey." He brushed his hand over Safire's back lovingly. "Except for these two. They didn't care one bit what I said, and I realised, I didn't know what else to do when they ignored the 'no'! I was out of ammunition!" He smiled wryly. "Ironhide came to my rescue. He said he could hear the commotion from down the hallway, and guessed that I needed help."

Elita looked at him with a quizzical expression. "When I came in the door Ironhide was doing no better than you were at stopping them!"

"No, no; he got them separated in the beginning, and then they started up again. After that..." Optimus looked frustrated, "I believe we didn't think, we just chased and said 'no' a lot. Ironhide berated me for having too many sparklings. He thinks one is hard enough, two are impossible."

A grin appeared on Elita's face. "He did? But you're a great sparkling creator! Brilliant! And look at Safire now, she's adorable. She loves you to bits." Her optics drank in the sight of her huge powerful mech cradling the tiny form of a drowsy sparkling femme – the femme he helped bring to life.

Prime's distinctive voice was deep but humble, "I promise to do better next time." He looked at her hopefully, "And maybe we can do lessons? What is this 'hands on head' thing?"

"I'll explain later. Right now, I think we had better get these two fuelled up and into recharge, yes?" She reached up to him with one hand, cupping his cheek. "Thanks for trying. And hey, it all worked out in the end. Sort of."

Sabre was already scrambling up onto his own berth and dangling his legs over the side. He banged them noisily, wanting 'service'. "Opmus! Lita!" He patted his tummy for emphasis.

Optimus watched her get the energon mix ready. He held out his hand for one of the cups and Elita placed it in his grasp when he sat down with his femling in his lap. Safire was almost completely out of it. He had to gently rouse her and offer the cup to her mouthplates. She took a few strong sips then turned her head away, snuggling into his arm and covering her face. Optimus looked at Elita for assistance. "Shouldn't she have more than that?"

Elita shook her head, "If she's not that interested in it, don't worry. It just means she'll come out of recharge earlier in the morning, and be desperate for fuelling, and since you get up early anyway, that's your job!"

Her last words were accompanied by Sabre noisily draining his cup and dropping it with a clang on the floor. Elita was onto him straight away.

"Sabby, no! Pick up that cup!"

Sabre whined and stretched out on his recharge berth, covering his face. Too tired.

"I don't care how tired you are, do NOT toss your cup on the floor. Pick it up, please."

Optimus watched as Sabre crankily got off his berth, retrieved the cup, and carried it over to her.

"Thank you, sweetie, that's better. We can't have mess everywhere, can we? Now it's time for recharge." She patted him on the aft when he hugged her leg. "I'll see you in the morning. Don't forget to hug 'Opmus'."

Sabre hugged Prime's leg too as he passed the big mech (Optimus patted him on the head and thanked him for playing today) then heaved himself up onto his berth and went right into recharge. Optimus carefully put his little femme into her special box, arranging her thermal blankets for her. He was amazed that not so long ago, she had been acting like a rampaging sharkticon, and here she was, so small, cute and _quiet_. Deep in recharge.

It was only later, just before he slipped into recharge himself (Elita had consented to recharging with him, but she refused to do anything intimate) that he turned onto his side to face her and said, "You know, I forgot to tell you, she has a throwing arm just like yours... she smacked Sabre right in the forehead on her first attempt!"

"...I'll show you my throwing arm _right now_ if you don't shut it. Go into recharge."

"Sorry."

Silence.

"... has a temper just like yours too..."

::SMACK::

"Owww!"

"That didn't hurt, sparkling mech! Now RECHARGE, Opmus!"

"...recharging. Oww."


	4. Chapter 4

**Romper Room**

Authors Note: I'm sorry I've been away for so long! Life is... hectic. And my writing urge went to another planet. Mars, I think. But I know _**optimus prime007**_ and _**Plenoptic**_ have been keeping everyone occupied with excellent updates on their fics. If you haven't seen their stuff, you're missing out big time. I also don't own the sparkling 'scruff bar' thing, I think that's owned by _**Lady Tecuma**_ or _**Karategal.**_ Definitely not me!

**Chapter 4**

"Hn..." Lying on his side upon his recharge berth (a feat he had taken some time to perfect, since a mech his size took some arranging) Optimus Prime lifted a hand and rubbed at his forehead slowly. All of his sensors told him it was morning; the end of his recharge cycle and time to start a new Earth day. His sensors also told him there was another presence upon his berth other than his bondmate. A small _female_ presence. He cautiously switched on an optic. Oh yes.

Her.

Safire squeaked at him. She was the picture of perfect innocent femininity. Sitting upon her aft next to his head, hands in her lap, optics shining steadily at him. Waiting for the fun to begin again.

She needed entertainment, and the big bot was the _best_.

Prime smiled weakly, switched off his single peeping optic, and sighed tiredly. "Hello Saffy."

"She came up a few moments ago, climbed up here all by herself. I didn't have the spark to stop her..." Elita murmured to his right, leaning on him. "I think she wants to play with you again." The Femme Commander was up against his side, head peeking over his chest, one hand perched on his sideways waist. She was watching both her handsome mech and lovable femling.

Optimus wasn't so sure. He didn't need another round of humiliation from tiny things bent on causing him grief. Weren't hugs and pats on the head from him enough? Did he have to be given exercise around their apartment while wearing out his vocal modulator with commands that were totally ignored?

Elita let forth a soft giggle, "Aww, look at Sabby."

Looking towards the corner of their room (building arrangements to give Sabre and Safire their own rooms – while giving Optimus and Elita their privacy back – were still in the planning stage) the Commander stared at his son's berth. Sabre was on his back with one leg propped up against the wall above his head and his arms spread out like an Earth bird. Totally sunk in recharge.

...unlike his sister.

Safire patted his noseplates with a happy chirp. He smiled tiredly at her. "Yes, I love you too." He relaxed and tried to sink back into a light recharge while Safire explored the lines and ridges of his face curiously; poking and tapping; but his mate wasn't going to put up with that. And neither; it seemed; was Safire. Her prodding became more invasive. He winced.

"Up, get _up_," Elita shoved at his hips from behind, "she needs refuelling, and that's your job this morning."

At the mention of 'fuel' Safire perked up and held her hands out desperately with grabby fingers. Her tank was so empty it was going to digest itself! She needed that liquid stuff!

With two femmes determined to remove, shove, push, and smack his tired aft from the recharge berth, he had to surrender. Life had seemed so much easier before sparkling surprises came along... Primus must be having a giant laugh at him. He had endured endless war, Megatron, the loss of the Allspark, living on a strange new planet, and finally – "Here, have two surprise sparklings on top too!". Yes, thank you Primus.

A low grumbling groan of "...going..." came from the Commander, and with far too many muffled groans and lots of wincing, Optimus picked up his femling and cradled her to his shoulder as he got upright. Safire hung onto the upper protrusions of his armor and 'rode' him. She was always amazed at how such a huge thing like her big bot could move. It would be entertaining if she could follow him around all day. She'd just sit on the top of his back and watch - it would be excellent fun!

Optimus halted in front of the energon facilities. Large mech optics and small femme optics both surveyed the situation. "Fuel. Hmm." He was lucky. There was one portion of 'sparkling' energon mixed up and ready to go. Now if Elita didn't make him feed Sabre too...

"Opmus!" Small mech hands banged against his knee. Too late.

Optimus' shrewd optics looked down at where his son was standing defiantly upright against his leg. "Morning Sabby, I thought you were recharging?"

Sabre raspberried him.

"Young mech, I believe it is time you stopped behaving like that."

"No!"

"...and whoever taught you the word 'no' should spend a few nights in the brig."

From his recharge berth came a muted female snort of mirth. "Funny, Optimus... and that threat is growing _old_."

"Still works on most deity-fearing bots..." Optimus grumbled.

The insanely tall mech let his gaze take in the lovely sight of his femme stretched out on his berth. Slender armor-clad legs long and gorgeous, attached to a body that had enough exotic curved lines to make any mech lose their vocal capability and merely utter "Ga.." in appreciation. Prime shook his head. No, no; better not to think like that TOO much. Those thoughts had brought them the double terrors named 'Sabre' and 'Safire'.

"OPMUS!" [BANG]

"Sabre!" One of Prime's large hands reached down and snagged two fingers under Sabre's scruff bar, lifting him up. "You are NOT allowed to hit other bots! Especially me!"

Sabre dangled in his Sire's grip with a grouchy expression. From her perch upon the big bots shoulder, Safire stared at her brother. Ha! He was being naughty again! If she could make it over to the toy pile she could throw something at his head like last time. That seemed to work.

With a deep growl, Optimus plopped Sabre upon his feet, and then presented Safire with her energon cup, ignoring Sabre's whine of jealousy. Sabby was being impolite. Femmes first. He could wait. The femme accepted it gracefully, even if the shove of the cup into her mouth wasn't very 'femme-like'.

From her optimal position upon her and Prime's recharge berth, Elita cradled her head in one hand, rested her cheek in her palm, and smiled at her little family. No wait – BIG family. Nothing about her Optimus was ever little, no matter how much Ironhide tried to spread around false innuendos.

There was the great and fearsome Optimus Prime, doing his best to be domestic. Sabre was bouncing up and down and attempting to grab his energon off the bench (which wasn't ready yet) while Safire sat upon one of her Sire's bent arms and sucked away at her pre-prepared morning fuel ration. The little femling had one optic swivelled down to keep a lookout for her brother's rude demands, in case one of his flailing arms hit her.

Shuttering her optics entirely with contentment, the Femme Commander attempted to lapse back into a light recharge.

"Sabre... here – and don't grab!" Optimus whispered to his jittery mechling. The cup was taken politely from his hand.

... followed by a slap to his lower leg armor and a high-pitched mechling giggle.

"SABBY!" Prime hissed in irritation.

Grudgingly, Sabre patted gently at Prime's armor to say 'sorry' while gulping his fuel.

The Autobot Commander shunted air through his in-takes with frustration. He just didn't get how to handle insubordinate sparklings. They were out of his league; and worse still; both of his precious sparklings knew it. He waited while Sabre and Safire both finished their rations. There was a very long list of tasks he had to perform today, and he was hoping to get an early start. Humans may be small but they had big problems that they thought giant robots had the perfect answers to.

Safire finished first. The sound of her in-take valve draining the cup was quite loud.

"Whoops, here, let me take that," Optimus said quietly, grasping the cup, mindful of Elita slipping into recharge. He wiped her mouthplates with a special cloth. "You still dribble. You can't be a proper femme until you don't dribble. Ironhide dribbles, and you don't want to be like him, do you?"

His optics widened when a cup was tossed into the air and crossed his field of vision. His stunned gaze watched its ascent slow and then begin to fall. With lightning reflexes, the huge mech safely snatched it. "Sabre! Don't do that! No!"

A reflux of excess air which went down with the fuel came back up at him.

_Good Primus, please don't tell me we've got a tiny Ironhide clone on our hands..._ Optimus thought desperately at his son's irritating behaviour.

Finished with his fuel – and having taken care of his cup like his Femme Unit had taught him to - Sabre tottered back to his recharge berth, dragged himself up onto it, and slipped back into recharge.

"Oh no," Optimus Prime's optics were wide with horror. "That's just what _Ironhide _does. Drink, slap, burp, toss and recharge."

A small chirrup interrupted him. He looked down at his mini femme. She smiled back at him. How could he stay gloomy with such an angel in his arms?

"You," he lowered his head to nuzzle her with his oversize noseplates, "are the most adorable sparkling in the universe."

Safire shrieked and giggled. The big bot was so funny!

Elita's slurred voice carried over to them. "Keep laughing, Saffy. We should have bots laughing at him more often, it keeps his big lug feet firmly on the ground."

Optimus Prime clicked his optic covers at her. "Femme... dangerous ground and all that."

"Oh yes." Elita stretched her arms over her head languidly, "You without your feet on the ground endangers everyone shorter than you."

Vowing to continue this banter with his femme mate later, Optimus walked over and began to lower Safire onto the berth so he could go to work. Safire; however; wasn't having ANY of that. She had decided she _liked _being carried around by her big bot, and there wasn't going to be any 'getting down'. Her small fingers dug into the undersides of Prime's armor and hung on – hard.

The huge mech's optic ridges furrowed. "Safire, let go please. You need to stay here with Lita and Sabre."

Carefully, Optimus attempted to pull her off him. No joy. He was afraid to try harder in case he hurt her.

"Safire, you can't stay there. Let. GO."

A whistle of mixed amusement and determination came back at him, and then Safire did the one thing that Optimus couldn't counter. In a flash she wriggled and climbed her way around Optimus' wide torso, and anchored her little body right between his shoulder armor, far enough down where he couldn't reach. Safety zone!

"What?!" Optimus stood there with outstretched hands and a wild expression. "Safire! Get out of there!"

"You know, I think – and I'm merely going on my enormous powers of feminine observation here – that Safire would like to hang around with you for a while, sweetie."

The Autobot Leader drew in a harsh gulp of air through his in-takes; paused; and sagged down in defeat. What right did he have to say she couldn't? And he was acutely aware of how little quality sparkling time he had spent with Safire lately. If her tiny processor thought this was the only way to be with him, it would be wrong of him to say no, and in any case, he would mostly be carrying out base duties, which meant a lot of walking around the hallways... so she wouldn't be in any danger.

"Do you really think it is okay if she stays there?" Optimus asked Elita.

The Femme Commander snorted a chuckle. That was so funny! Peeking around the huge torso of her giant mech was a little femme head with twinkling optics. Her Safire.

Elita cocked her head with a warm smile, "You know what? As long as you don't forget she's there, and you take great care of her, I think she'll be alright. You have my blessing. And you better move along before Sabre wakes up and decides he wants to join in."

"Going! Hang on Safire, we're doing big bot duty today..." With a wave at his mate and walking carefully with one hand held hovering underneath Safire's aft to check she was steady, he left his quarters.

Elita settled happily back into recharge. Everything would be fine. Optimus and Safire would have a great day together. And as soon as Safire started screaming and ejecting energon, she'd step in and clean up the mess. No problem.

...or so she hoped.


End file.
